For most of my life being turned on and being in the mood was a huge struggle.
So much so that it felt like I just wasn’t a sexual person & I concluded that sex just wasn’t important.
When I finally started to make the shift to really embody and dive into this area of my life, I stumbled across many practices, the one I want to share with you today is Orgasmic Meditation.
(enjoy the video version)
It Seemed WEIRD & Crazy, but I was committed:
When you start diving into the world of sexuality, especially when you’re closed down, everything seems weird. The practice of Orgasmic Meditation in a nutshell is, a woman lays naked from the waist down with her legs butterflied open and a man strokes her clitoris for 15 minutes.
In this blog, I’m going to share with you what I learned from this practice that you might want to explore or that you can take away into your own journey.
(I’m not gonna share the process or philosophies of Orgasmic Meditation. I am simply gonna share with you my experience and what I’ve learned. Many different companies out there teach variations of this, but I learned through the company OneTaste)
1. OPENING & SURRENDERING
For someone who struggled to get turned on, I was closed down in my body as well as to my partner. So, this whole process and journey of learning about Orgasmic Meditation required to physically allowing my legs to spread open and lay there in a relaxed position for 15 minutes. This allowed my body to open and surrender.
Not just in my physical body, but also to my partner.
It is a practice where the receiver, isn’t actively engaged in the process in terms of doing anything. It was really just about receiving and allowing pleasure to come into your body. That was huge for me, to just start to unthaw.
The very first demonstration that I saw was by Eli, who I believe is the co-founder or part owner of OneTaste. As I was observing, I felt that unthawing beginning to happen in my body. It was a beautiful experience of openness of sexuality, of safety and of expression that I had never seen before, and it was totally transformative.
One of the things that Eli said in the very beginning of the presentation was, “You put your pleasure before your preferences.” We showed up to this room in LA, that we didn’t know what we were getting into. We didn’t know how the whole night was gonna go down, but we were going there because we were committed to a next level of pleasure for ourselves.
That was the very first time in my life that I had ever put my pleasure as a priority.
Normally in sexual situations, it’s like:
I’m not turned on
I’m not in the mood
& I have all these preferences and reasons why I’m not
All these things that need to happen for me to be open…
all of what was self-sabotaging and blocks!
2. CREATING A CONTAINER
By a container, I mean guidelines, perimeters, boundaries around sexuality and sensual experiences.
I felt like my body couldn’t open up in sexual experiences, because I never knew how long it was gonna be or what the other person was gonna be doing (I am sure sexual trauma has been playing a part in this). I also had a really hard time speaking up for myself and saying yes or no.
This practice really helped me to do this, because it’s:
a timed practice
it’s a specific set of steps that are happening
I knew what was gonna be happening
for how long
when it was gonna be over
it was safe & predictable!
3. Trust Building
It really illuminated how I wasn’t trusting of my partner & helped to build trust.
The openness I had to allow was the first step of this but also having that solid container really helped me to feel safe, to remain open, and then that trust got a chance to form.
We had so many years of really bad patterns, that created a lack of trust. I would have never said that before I started the practice. But it really taught me how much lack of trusting I had with my body and my partner.
4. A Simple Practice To Be Consistent With
One thing that I discovered so far in this journey is that the less that you have sex, the less that you are intimate, the less that you are intimate and have sex (vicious cycle)
The less you’re turned on, the less you’re going to be turned on.
This really helped me to have an option in my toolbox, that could be a practice that we could implement into our life. I never wanted to have consistent sex, because it was so unpredictable and all of the other reasons I mentioned above, but this practice helped me to do something sexual, sensual, consistently, which helped me to feel and start to get into my body on a consistent basis.
5. Increase Sensitivity
When I did have sexual experiences, I was numb down there. It took so much effort to feel anything.
This practice, because it’s a concentrated practice, really helped to build sensitivity.
I noticed as I would walk around for the day after or two days after, I’d feel little tingles down there, just little sensations. It was like, “whoa, something’s coming alive down there”
Through my whole body, through my whole soul, through my whole life, and that was a really good feeling.
Bonus Benefit: Most of us never get an opportunity to be present and in daylight without pressure to perform or get to an outcome with our partners’ genitalia.
So in this practice, one of the things that is so profound is that it is a practice of meditation.
It is a practice of presence, in daylight, getting to actually see and observe without an end goal, without an objective, without him feeling like he needed to make me orgasm, or without me feeling like I needed to do something.
We just got to be present and really learn and explore and connect together.
One of the cool things that I noticed was his confidence level with my pussy, with other sexual experiences that we have, & even my level of knowledge about where actually feels good there!